2011 was the worst and hardest year of my life. Most of my life prior to this year has been happy and relatively easy. I grew up in a wonderful home with amazing parents and siblings who were great (for the most part haha). Not until I went through this difficult year did I realize what my family means to me… each member of my family and my family as a whole. I had expectations and hopes for this past year that failed miserably. Events that I thought would take place, did not… events that I never thought would happen, did. I never expected I would be where I am today. But in a way, I am grateful. I have closer relationships with family members. I am hopeful of what God is doing for the future. I now can relate more to people and can be more personable because of what I have gone through. I’m a little more of a real me with people, if that makes sense. Sometimes it is difficult to fight the urge to think “what if…” What if this happened? What if I had done this? What if I didn’t do that? I stop. I can’t and will not live in “What If Land”. It’s a terrible land that no one should go to live in, or even visit. This land takes you captive. I made the decisions I made and there is no turning back. A pastor recently said “It’s ok to look at the past, but don’t stare”. It’s fitting. I can and should look at the past to learn and grow but I will move on to live today, this moment, because it is what I have to make a difference. I am me, here, for a reason. Optimistic of what is to come. Hopeful. Healing. Growing. I hate goodbyes. But sometimes a goodbye can be the best thing for me. Sometimes a goodbye is the wise thing to do. So… goodbye 2011.
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